On Sunday Nicholas and I will celebrate our first year of marriage. For the longest time I heard that the first year is the hardest for all the change that it brings to your life. Little did the two of us know that the day of our wedding North Carolina would shut down and we’d basically be together for the next year almost 24/7. Between several months of government suggested quarantine and both of our jobs transitioning to work from home, we’ve spent our entire first year being married without the harsh reality of “normal” on our side. So what have we learned? What (other than a pandemic) did we not expect in this first year? Allow me to enlighten you.

Faithfulness of God

If you’ve been following me for any amount of time then you’ve probably already pieced together the amount of mental health issues I’ve struggled with over the years. Truth be told I’ve only been talking opening and publicly about them since starting this blog in January of last year. That being said, being stuck in your house all day every day for months at a time isn’t really the best environment for someone who slips into depression easily.

Wow oh wow did Nicholas show up for me. Countless days he’s taken care of our dog, made me coffee, been quite as mouse while I sleep for two or three hours longer than him, prayed over me, took me outside when I didn’t want to move, held me while I cried, made me endless meals, made me laugh until my stomach hurt, built me up and encouraged me and the list goes on. The truth is, when you get married we tend to skip over that “In sickness and in Health” part thinking sickness won’t ever come. I have zero doubt that if I, God forbid, ever got an even more life altering illness that He would show up in the same way, but little did my sweet husband know on March 14th 2020 that he would be sacrificing so much so early.

Yes I’m taking a moment to share how amazing my husband is, but the truth is that it boils down to just how good God is. Friend, this lesson is about waiting on God’s perfect timing to put you together with your perfect mate. Chances are not many men in this world would do all of those things for weeks and sometimes months on end just because his wife was feeling “not herself”. That means waiting for the man that God has planned for you, means he’ll put the person in your life that WILL do these things and self-sacrifice to take care of you. God is FAITHFUL and will continue to show up over and over in your life if you just take a moment to be grateful for little things, like coffee in the morning from someone who loves you. This experience has shown me just how important it is to trust God’s timing and His plan for my life, including pairing me with my perfect match.

Communication Is Awkward But Not Hard

I said it. Communication is NOT HARD. It’s not. You do it all day long every day even when you don’t realize it. Your body language is a form of communication. You typing on instagram is communication. It’s when you have to confront someone or be honest about your feelings that it becomes “hard”. The truth is, it’s not hard in those moments either but it can be kind of awkward. If you’re like me and Nicholas at ALL then you’re a person who doesn’t want to disturb the peace. Nicholas is superrr laid back (until he isn’t but that’s another topic for another day lol) and most of the time doesn’t have his feathers rustled very easily.

Fun fact and side track for a moment. Nicholas and I dated for 8 months and got engaged, were engaged for 8 months and got married. The reason our relationship was able to escalate so quickly is communication. We’ve had soooooo many awkward conversations I’ve lost count. But what those have led to is intimacy (not that kind) which has allowed us to escalate the process of getting to know one another.

So choose your hard. Either it can be hard to be in a relationship because you don’t communicate how you feel or what you’re thinking. Option B, you can choose to speak openly, honestly and effectively and have a few “hard” conversations here and there but an amazing relationship full of joy and happiness with your needs being met. Choose your “hard”.

Pick Your Battles

Nicholas and I haven’t had very many arguments and don’t really get on each others nerves that often. But when we do, we really do LOL. Going off of what I said above however, we choose our battles wisely. I don’t go around nit-picking and nagging him about every little thing that he does that bothers me but when it’s something really big that I need him to actually address, then I bring it up. The great part is, that he does the same. No doubt living with another human being is challenging. We just naturally get on each other’s nerves. That’s just part of being human but you have to be careful about how often you’re finding yourself bugging that other person.

For example, I’m a total clean freak and constantly am cleaning and organizing. Nicholas is not. You can probably imagine how that becomes a slight issue sometimes. I choose over and over to enjoy the way God made my husband and not to bug the crap out of him about something that really is just the way God made ME.

Now to give Nicholas some credit, he knows this about me and usually does a great job at cleaning up after himself or helping me clean every week (thanks boo).

What Being A Partner Means

I don’t think I really knew what marriage would be like until now. Even the entire time up to this point I haven’t really stopped to realize that I have a partner in life and what the significance of that is. See when God created Eve for Adam, He said that Adam needed a helper (or help mate) and that Adam being alone was not a good thing. God created spouses to be one another’s helper. I am here now to help Nicholas become the best version of himself, to grow closer to God, to take care of things that he’s not able to do, to care for him whenever he’s not well or overworked. I’m here to be strength where he has weakness and vice versa. It’s not about us COMPLETING one another, we are only complete with God. Nicholas was not half a man when I met him and I wasn’t half a woman. We simply came together and now can do things that we wouldn’t have accomplished on our own.

Even though this list is short, this is a lot to unpack in one sitting I know. At the heart of this blog I can honestly say that what we’ve learned the most if just how perfect God’s plan and timing is. We would BOTH encourage you, if you’re single or dating and want to get married, PLEASE trust in God’s plan. Commit your singleness or your relationship to God and fully trust that He will take care of you.

If you’re married, let this be a chance to remind you of WHY you got married and remember what that first blissful year was like. Allow it to remind you to press on in the hard days and to love even deeper on the good ones. Marriage is a blessing that many never have, and Nicholas and I both were not sure was ever going to be for us and yet here we are. Let’s always take each day as a gift from God and trust that He’s here for us in all things.

Happy Anniversary to the love of my life. I know that you read every single blog (even the girly ones about hair and fashion) and you’ll never truly know how much you mean to me. You are my everything and I could never express my gratitude for all that you’ve done for me in just one year of marriage. I love you forever babe.

Xoxo,
Camille

On March 10th my parents will have been married for 31 years. I asked them both to give me their two top secrets for making marriage last this long, which I will share below but first I want to give a little insight from my perspective as their daughter.

Childhood

Growing up the biggest thing I remember is that BOTH of my parents played with me, spoiled me, never missed a game or any activity I was in, showed up to every school event or field trip and so and so on. To make the point clear they were AMAZING parents.

Even with their full time jobs, heavy involvement in Church and a little rugrat like me running around, the biggest thing I remember is their laughter together.

My parents were always the best of friends. They shared/still share common interests and most of my childhood is full of us doing things together as a family and we actually enjoyed being together.

Take Away: Marry someone you actually LIKE being with

Adolescence

By the time I was in middle to high school, the pressures of work and Church and even me…we’re way more apparent. I could tell sometimes just how stressful things were for my parents and especially by high school I was more aware of what their real life was like.

What do I remember most? My parents hardly ever or even at all, fought around me. Now don’t get me wrong, I know they had their disagreements and their issues. I wasn’t blind (or deaf)to their disagreements, but I do know they were capable of having communication that didn’t rely on yelling and screaming or making their child upset. My parents showed respect and restraint when they were bothered. If they did fight all nasty and ugly, they sure kept it away from me.

Take Away: Marry someone you have “good” arguments and communication skills with

Young Adulthood to Now

While I like to still consider myself a young adult, I’m pretty sure those days are quickly passing. Either way by the time I reached college all the way to now I have vivid memories of a lot of different things about my parent. As an adult I’ve obviously been able to read more into their relationship and read things like body language or have more context.

From college to now what I remember about my parents in their willingness and urgency to stick with God. Christ is at the center and forefront of their marriage and in every single thing they talk about or do, you can hear Jesus all in it. My parents relationship is full of prayer for one another, attending Church, sharing wisdom with others, serving in Church and the list goes on. I can’t imagine that anyone on Earth can last for that long in a marriage without the grace of God pulling you through.

Take Away: God HAS to be your foundation

So what do my parents say is the key to being together for 31 years?

Mom
1. Always put God first before your marriage. God CREATED it in the first place so give it back to Him.
2. Treat your spouse like you would a close friend, always Christlike to them.

Dad
1. SERVE….by this I’m talking about serving each other in love, humility, and submitting to each other. If you always have your spouse’s best interest at heart, it’s difficult to be angry or fighting. When there are difficult times and disagreements, take a moment to step back and ask if you have their best interest at heart and are you serving as Christ did for us. This is all easier said than done but so very worth it.
2. AGREE ON VALUES…I’m talking about the big values like your Faith, your priorities, your financials, your ideas and approach to parenting, and your principals of life together. Each and every one of these are Major issues and I believe when you and your spouse agree on these (by communicating) that you will find that you agree on the small things. Very important to remember to not make decisions based on emotions. It’s always best to sleep on it and let reason come into play overnight than to make decisions when you’re disagreeing on an issue.

If you’re married, single, engaged or hoping to be one day I suggest giving these a little bit of thought. Even if you’re single you can apply all of this to relationships with friends and family. My prayer is that every single marriage continuously honors God, is full of Joy, happiness and laughter and lasts forever.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD. Thank you for being a beautiful example of love for Nicholas and I and for showing me exactly how special and wonderful marriage can be.

XOXO,
Camille

February has been an especially cold month this year and I made sure to bring out all of my comfiest, coziest gear to survive. Here were some of my favorite items this month.

Lined Beanie
Found these at Walmart in the men’s section and boy am I glad we did. I have a few beanies that to be totally honest are legit only for looks and do not actually provide a single bit of warmth. Thankfully, we have these that both Nick and I can wear when we need to. So cheap but high quality feeling and material and a perfect amount of warmth.

Amazon Sunglasses
These are pretty much the only sunglasses I wear now. They just look good on absolutely everyone and for the price they are worth it. I have the black but will be asking for the brown on whatever upcoming excuse I have to ask for a gift lol

Large Claw Hair Clips
I think the common theme of my buying is that i’m very skeptical of “popular” items. When everyone all over the internet is saying something is a must have, I’m always leary of it. But here we are again. THESE CLIPS!!! I have so much hair yall. It’s long, it’s thick, it’s layered and kind of annoying. No clip on earth has ever been able to hold all of it until now. Not to mention these all come in REALLY cute colors.

Cheese Board
I’m aware that Charcuterie boards have been all the rave for quite some time now, but that’s not the intention with this guy. This I wanted/got specifically for serving actual cheese and crackers and fruit. I love charcuterie boards don’t get me wrong, but I love this board since it has cut outs for the crackers to go so they’re not falling all over the place and the perfect size to place your cheeses (because obviously you have to have multiple weird cheeses that no one has heard of). The size is also great for storage.

Makeup Storage Kit
I have finally reached the age in my life that traveling without some type of organization is an actual nightmare I have. Gone are the days of just throwing every item I own messily into my suitcase and squishing it down with my body weight hoping to GOD it fits. No No, I’m a grown lady now and that means organization. This kit is also just super cute and practical and makes traveling with makeup so much easier and less confusing when I’m in the hotel bathroom trying to figure out where the heck my good moisturizer is.

Comfy Padded Bras
I have a lot of uncomfortable but necessary bras, then I have my sports bras for working out. For forever I was missing something I could just lounge around the house in. Or the type of bra you wear when you don’t feel like actually wearing a bra. Insert these amazing bras! A little lower quality than what I would have purchased for myself in store, but certainly worth the money for the comfort, colors and price!

9MM Barrel Curling Iron
Okay ladies if you’ve been dying to have those adorable ringlet, tight curls or you’re like me and HAD them all your life until you hit your 20’s, this guy is for you! Great price and works like a charm to give you absolutely gorgeous tight curls. Please set aside about an hour of your life to do your entire head, but know you won’t have to touch them for at least a week.

Rare Beauty Melting Blush
For most of the winter my skin is unbearably dry and I have to make changes to not only my skincare but also my makeup. I switch from using mostly powder products to mostly liquid products that help keep my skin looking dewy and glam. I gave this melting blush a try and I will never be able to go back to powder again. This blush is actually less liquid and more like a hybrid of powder and liquid which DUH, why didn’t I think of that. It goes on smooth and creamy like liquid but stays put for hours and looks gorgeous like most powders. This is a repeat purchase for sure.

Eyebrow Gel
This is another item that I’ve lived a long time without and had no problems until I used it for the first time and it changed my life. Even when I don’t add any other products to my brows, this gel just gives them a little extra life and helps them look better overall. This will also last you FOREVER. Absolutely love this and including this in my forever makeup routine.

That’s all for this month friend. Hope you find something you love as much as I do.

XOXO,
Camille

This is a pretty interesting topic in our family. I was raised as an only child (long story short neither of my siblings lived with me growing up) which means I was spoiled. There I said it. It’s out in the open, now we can move on. Aside from that, I’ve worked my butt off at moving up in my career and just like this blog, I have multiple side hustles. So for ME that has always meant I get to spend money whenever I want to.

Well then I got married last March and that changed a little bit. My husband is frugal to put it lightly and would much rather save money to spend on things like trips or securing a future for our family, ya know, reasonably responsible things to spend money on. So how have we made these HUGE differences work?

Communication

The all elusive communication. We actually TALK about what we spend our money on. Now let me be clear, my sweet man still finds random packages on the front porch more often than I’m sure he would like but he knows that I’m spending money when I am. There’s even sometimes that I ask him his opinion on an outfit before I buy it because why wear it if your husband thinks it’s hideous? Right ladies? lol

Long story short, we make financial decisions together and we’ve set amounts for each other that we do not spend over without discussing it with the other one. Working from home has certainly made this easier for us but all in all it’s not hard to shoot each other a text or bring it up at dinner if we have something we want. We keep each other in the know on what we have in mind and it’s never too much of a surprise when something new shows up.

We Compromise

Has anyone ever told you how much compromise goes into making a relationship work? If not, let me be the first to inform you, it’s HARD. There are things I want so bad that I can’t stand it but my husband and I are a team and we don’t make decisions without the other person on board.

Compromise isn’t about just never getting what you want OR always getting what you want; it’s about meeting another person halfway and deciding together what is going to be the BEST decision. Nick and I both compromise on financial decisions so that what’s best for both of us is the outcome. Sometimes that means we don’t go out for dinner for a week or two. Other times that means I’m not buying new clothes or shoes. Each decision is made with the end goal of being debt free & having a secure future in mind.

Give it to God

I probably should have led with this one but it’s most important and I want it fresh on your mind as we close. We reconcile our spending differences most by praying over what God wants us to do with our finances. There’s been a few times that we’ve wanted to donate money or purchase something and we prayed on it instead of trying to make a decision on our own. Each time God has shown up and given us an amount to donate or a yes or no on a purchase we wanted to make. We always want to remain fiscally responsible for the GIFT of having an income that God has given us. We make sure that God can trust us with the blessings we have. The more He can trust us with our blessings now, the larger that blessing will be and we know WE are held accountable for what we did with our blessings here on Earth.

In case you’re missing the main point here, it boils down to the fact that Nick and I make decisions to let go of what we want for what’s best for both of us. Marriage specifically will draw out every ounce of selfishness (or in my case spoiled-ness) you have and force you to confront it head on. I’ve had to let go of the notion that I get to just spend money whenever I want because I work hard and instead make the decision to put aside what I want for what our family NEEDS. Please understand that this doesn’t mean that I never get anything, because trust me I do; Or that my husband never buys anything special for himself, we simply follow these steps above and it’s always something we can BOTH feel good about. It’s hard work but I promise if I can do it, so can you.

Xoxo,
Camille

Yes let’s take a moment to collectively admit that this is going to be a heavy topic. I’ll keep it short sweet and to the point for all our sakes but first let’s do the right thing and start off with some scripture shall we?

Ephesians 4:32 : “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Matthew 6:14 : “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Matthew 18:21-22 : “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’ “

That’s just a few to make the point that forgiveness isn’t even a suggestion or a passing thought as much as a command from the Lord. But can we agree that forgiving someone is hard a HELL (yes actual hell). So if it’s so difficult for us humans then why would God make it a non-negotiable?

It’s About You Not Them

Everything that a person does flows from their heart. Quite literally speaking you can’t live if blood isn’t being pumped from your heart but in a spiritual sense, there’s absolutely nothing good that comes from a morally or spiritually corrupt heart. This concept takes a little bit of maturity and faith but stick with me. The devil attacks us humans in very few ways. He’s a creature of habit and if you study his ways long enough you’ll learn where you’re the most vulnerable.

God makes it very clear in His word that having community with other believers and relationships with one another and with Him is extremely important and vital to who we are as Christians. Well why then does the devil love to cause strife and quarrel and pain between God’s people? Well DUH, because if we continue to allow pain and hurt from other people into our hearts and minds, we will continue to isolate ourselves from community. Read that until you get it.

Not forgiving people when they’ve hurt you, only leads to you isolating yourself from the very community that you are created and designed to part of. The Bible describes the Christian community as a working body. If you cut yourself off from the body, they likely will be able to survive without you, but it’s impossible for you to survive without them.

Forgiving someone from wrong doing and hurt is ONLY about you. God will handle THEM, you handle YOU.

Write It Out

The truth is many times we’re unable to move past a situation until we feel validated in some way; Until we feel like we’ve been heard or until someone else understands our suffering. Not every single case is one that you can have a conversation with someone. In the case of domestic or sexual abuse, there’s likely not a chance that you’ll ever have to openly talk to the person that abused you, nor do you likely want to see their face. So what’s to be done?

A concept I was told about many years ago was Burn Letters. It’s a letter that you HAND write then burn. You write every single nasty, ugly and horrible thing that you can possibly think you’d ever want to say to that person, seal it up and go light it (carefully) on fire. REALLY IMPORTANT THING: Pray for God to forgive you too. Here’s one that I’ve prayed in the past over a burn letter if you need some help:

Jesus, thank you for being here for me right now. Thank you for seeing me and for hearing me and for knowing the pain I feel. Thank you for giving me the words to say to (insert their name) even if they may never hear them or read them. I ask that you would forgive me for holding on to the anger, hurt and pain that someone else caused me and for whatever sin that may have caused me to act in. I ask that you allow me to move forward from this day with no more anger, hurt or pain and that I can walk in total freedom from this moment forward. Amen.

Talk To God As Often As You Need

Truth be told there are some people I have written multiple burn letters about. There are some people that I’ve had the opportunity to speak to and I still just got mad all over again the next time I saw their name somewhere or heard someone mention them. There are some people I haven’t been able to FULLY forgive and I know that one day I will. In the meantime, I give God that hurt, anger and pain over and over again until it’s gone. God is there, 24/7 and longs to heal my heart and yours too. Even if it takes longer than you’d like, just give it to God until you know it’s gone.

Resource Yourself

Don’t be afraid to buy books, go to therapy sessions, attend skype meetings or whatever else you need in order to move forward from any pain you might have. God has placed doctors, therapists, friends and family members in our lives for a reason and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about when we need a little extra help or prayer from someone. The biggest step is to surround yourself with resources that you can trust to help you when you need it. You also have to commit to opening yourself up and not holding onto pain.

Find Humility

There’s a power in holding anger over someone. When it’s loved ones or people you interact with regularly, it can feel so good for them to treat you a certain way knowing they’ve hurt you. Unfortunately a lot of victims of abuse hold on to that power for a lifetime, others of us just rub a wrong doing in someone’s face for the rest of their lives.

Jesus is more than a perfect example of a human that deserved to be angry, to demand that people treat him a certain way after his resurrection. He could have easily shown up a the roman soldiers house and demand their apologies or anything he wanted. Instead he found compassion on them.

A saying that you may or may not have heard but is one of my motto’s, “Hurt People, Hurt People”. In essence, if you look at the life, background or personal issues that someone is going through, they’re more than likely to ALSO have gone through some pain, which caused them to act out and hurt others.

Like that prayer above, we tend to act in a sinful way when we’re trying to validate our pain. Sometimes we hurt others, sometimes we hurt ourselves and most of the time we do both. Just like WE act out when we’re hurting, others do to. If you can for a moment set aside your emotion and think rationally you’ll come to realize that the person who hurt you deserves compassion and in some cases empathy for their situation.

Again, it hurts like hell and can be harder than anything you’ve walked through in life but oh my goodness the freedom and POWER you have when you let all of that weight go.

____

My sweet friend, I pray that you can just let go. Let go of the need to be in control. Let go of the hurt in your heart that causes you to close off from others around you or to act harshly towards others. See the people who have hurt you for just a moment as God sees them and talk to Him about dealing with his child and YOU.

Don’t let UN-forgiveness keep you from a life full of joy and hope and most of all don’t let it keep you from Jesus.

XOXO,
Camille.