This is a pretty interesting topic in our family. I was raised as an only child (long story short neither of my siblings lived with me growing up) which means I was spoiled. There I said it. It’s out in the open, now we can move on. Aside from that, I’ve worked my butt off at moving up in my career and just like this blog, I have multiple side hustles. So for ME that has always meant I get to spend money whenever I want to.
Well then I got married last March and that changed a little bit. My husband is frugal to put it lightly and would much rather save money to spend on things like trips or securing a future for our family, ya know, reasonably responsible things to spend money on. So how have we made these HUGE differences work?
The all elusive communication. We actually TALK about what we spend our money on. Now let me be clear, my sweet man still finds random packages on the front porch more often than I’m sure he would like but he knows that I’m spending money when I am. There’s even sometimes that I ask him his opinion on an outfit before I buy it because why wear it if your husband thinks it’s hideous? Right ladies? lol
Long story short, we make financial decisions together and we’ve set amounts for each other that we do not spend over without discussing it with the other one. Working from home has certainly made this easier for us but all in all it’s not hard to shoot each other a text or bring it up at dinner if we have something we want. We keep each other in the know on what we have in mind and it’s never too much of a surprise when something new shows up.
Has anyone ever told you how much compromise goes into making a relationship work? If not, let me be the first to inform you, it’s HARD. There are things I want so bad that I can’t stand it but my husband and I are a team and we don’t make decisions without the other person on board.
Compromise isn’t about just never getting what you want OR always getting what you want; it’s about meeting another person halfway and deciding together what is going to be the BEST decision. Nick and I both compromise on financial decisions so that what’s best for both of us is the outcome. Sometimes that means we don’t go out for dinner for a week or two. Other times that means I’m not buying new clothes or shoes. Each decision is made with the end goal of being debt free & having a secure future in mind.
Give it to God
I probably should have led with this one but it’s most important and I want it fresh on your mind as we close. We reconcile our spending differences most by praying over what God wants us to do with our finances. There’s been a few times that we’ve wanted to donate money or purchase something and we prayed on it instead of trying to make a decision on our own. Each time God has shown up and given us an amount to donate or a yes or no on a purchase we wanted to make. We always want to remain fiscally responsible for the GIFT of having an income that God has given us. We make sure that God can trust us with the blessings we have. The more He can trust us with our blessings now, the larger that blessing will be and we know WE are held accountable for what we did with our blessings here on Earth.
In case you’re missing the main point here, it boils down to the fact that Nick and I make decisions to let go of what we want for what’s best for both of us. Marriage specifically will draw out every ounce of selfishness (or in my case spoiled-ness) you have and force you to confront it head on. I’ve had to let go of the notion that I get to just spend money whenever I want because I work hard and instead make the decision to put aside what I want for what our family NEEDS. Please understand that this doesn’t mean that I never get anything, because trust me I do; Or that my husband never buys anything special for himself, we simply follow these steps above and it’s always something we can BOTH feel good about. It’s hard work but I promise if I can do it, so can you.